i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize