he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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