his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
