The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
