My friends, they love my intelligence
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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