I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
