KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
