dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
