peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
