go do what you do best...puke behind churches
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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