Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
