Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
false alarm, still single
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