I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
