Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
