The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
