How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
