Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
God I need to hump something, right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
