That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
