y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
