I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
