I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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