I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
