I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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