you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.