i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program