in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.