Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.