So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
