dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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