You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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