My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
