Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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