They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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