I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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