He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
