mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
