how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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