I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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