i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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