I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
