brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
