Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
