I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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