Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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