I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
