This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
