Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
