my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
