Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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