Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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