She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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