I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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