from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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