Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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