Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
