i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
