my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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