I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
