Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
