should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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