he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
