that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
