I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize