its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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