Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
