I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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