i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
