Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
