Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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