tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
