kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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