okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
