Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
