i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
