Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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