does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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