she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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