the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
