I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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