I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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