sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
