She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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