She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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